Health and Wellness

What the World Needs Now is Self Love

Screen Shot 2020-06-15 at 5.11.03 PM

As a woman, mother, wife, and healer, my tendency is to take care of those around me. I have always felt a responsibility for the happiness of my children, husband, friends, family members and clients (really, anyone significant in my life). Whenever things get difficult emotionally, I fall into action and begin the process of consoling, re-arranging, compromising, supporting, comforting, rescuing. I do whatever I can to assuage the anger, sadness and hurt, even when it means sacrificing my own needs.

I have been under the assumption that by keeping everyone around me in a state of joy, I would secure my own well being. It’s taken me over 50 years. I’ve been through a divorce and experienced my children leave the nest, but I’m finally seeing that this is not at all the case.

I have realized that I had been shouldering the emotional baggage of my family for years and had grown tired and resentful. What’s more, the pain and discomfort always came back. In attempting to solve the problem, I was actually preventing my loved ones from learning and growing, and I was sabotaging my personal journey along the way. In trying to make everyone else happy, I was missing the point.

Recently, I have been thinking about the concept of self love. What would it mean to treat myself as if I were worthy and loveable? What would it feel like to console and comfort my inner being with soothing words when I was upset? What if I spent time and energy rearranging my schedule so that I could do something that meant a lot to me?

According to an article in Psychology Today by Deborah Khoshaba, (March 2012), “when we act in ways that expand self-love, we begin to better accept our weaknesses as well as our strengths, have less need to explain away our short-comings, have compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning, are more centered in our life purpose and values, and expect living fulfillment through our own efforts.”

The steps Khoshaba prescribes are; be mindful, act on what you need, stay away from automatic patterns that get you into trouble, keep you stuck in the past, and lessen self love, practice good self-care, set boundaries, protect yourself by bringing the right people into your life, and live intentionally.

Full article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/get-hardy/201203/seven-step-prescription-self-love

The Law of Attraction.com also recommends that we practice the art of self love by having fun by yourself, travelling once a year on your own, forgiving your mistakes, starting a journal, taking a break, making a list of accomplishments, creating a vision board, pursuing new interests, challenging yourself, giving yourself credit where credit is due, and working on self trust. Full article: https://www.thelawofattraction.com/love-yourself/

Learning to self love is a process. It takes time and consistent effort to nurture our own growth. It takes regular practice to change the negative internal dialogue, to let go of perfectionism, and to find the beauty in all that we are. It takes effort to change old habits and beliefs.

I have begun to pay attention to my own destructive patterns and negative self talk. I have realized that I am harder on myself than anyone else in my life. I have noticed that when I am angry with something I’ve done and my self esteem is low, I take it out on others. I become angry quicker. I make hurtful comments.

I am a better person when I am loving myself.

Sometimes I wonder what the world would be like if everyone practiced the art of loving themselves more. Would there be as much hatred, anger, defensiveness, hostility, and aggression? Perhaps if we each loved ourselves more fully, there’d be less room for injustice, violence, abuse, and inequity.

I wonder.

If the hate that feeds on human weakness is replaced with love, it will have nowhere left to go. Once it loses our attention, its power will diminish, and the next time it comes knocking, we won’t even notice. We’ll all be too busy enjoying our own company.

The Life Purpose Project

Even before the pandemic hit, I had been trying to discover my life’s purpose. Why am I here? What am I meant to do? I can remember (as far back as my teenage years) feeling that I was meant to do something important during my time here on earth. I began to pursue different options in my 20s, but then, like many people, my focus turned to finding a partner and starting a family. I knew I wanted to have children. That was a certainty.

My family life was traditional. My husband worked long hours while I managed the house and our two girls. We were busy. Between gymnastics meets, crew regattas, music lessons, schoolwork, meal planning and home management, my time and energy were pretty tapped. I added a part time massage business when my younger daughter was 5 and this satisfied some of my yearning. However, I knew it wasn’t enough, and although I received immense joy from raising children, I felt there was something else waiting for me.

I am now in my 50s. My girls are out in the world beginning their own lives and I have found myself staring into the future, knowing that the possibilities are endless, but also feeling myself frozen in old habits and uncertainty. Midlife is a challenging time of transition, loss, and redesign. Yet, it also offers a broad spectrum of possibilities and another chance to uncover the reasons why we are here. There is an entire new chapter of life waiting to be written.

During the recent quarantine, I have had time to reflect on where I’ve been and where I want to go. With the world in enormous flux and a massive state of upheaval, discovering my soul’s path seems that much more urgent.

I have been thinking about a way to realize my life’s purpose while also helping others reach theirs. I have been studying and testing a number of modalities and approaches over the years and feel that now is the time to put them into a comprehensive package ready for implementation and action.

I see myself as a Life Purpose Facilitator of sorts with the objective of helping individuals identify their life’s mission and then begin to remove blocks that prevent them from moving forward.

I envision myself attracting those who have an inner gnawing and strong desire to uncover a hidden or under developed life purpose. This journey can begin at any age, though I see a particular need for middle aged men and women going through their “second birth.”

A couple of weeks ago, I put together a program that I can carry out online through a weekly zoom meeting. I decided to offer it to 5-10 volunteers free of charge once a week for one month as a way to practice, revise, and refine the service. I sent out a letter to my past and present massage clients and the response was affirming.

I am now halfway through the month-long trial and it is going extremely well. I am offering a holistic, natural approach to soul purpose discovery combining tarot, energy healing (distance Reiki, chakra healing), dream interpretation, and flower essence therapy. These are all modalities I have studied over the years for personal growth and am now thrilled to be able to share them with others. It is encouraging to observe the insights and breakthroughs that are already beginning to happen with my clients.

The Life Purpose Project, as I am calling it, is the perfect convergence of many areas of interest and study. Everything about it feels right. I have a sturdy base of knowledge with much to learn (all of which is inspiring and intriguing), and although I’m not sure exactly where it will lead, I can tell that I am on the right path. What a surprising irony, that my own life purpose would be to help others find theirs.

What to Keep

LA Skyline As the world struggles through the Covid-19 pandemic and begins its slow recovery, there seems to be a need to shed all that is no longer serving. In order to heal, we need to reflect on our current condition and define that which is harming us and that which makes us stronger. We need to let go of old practices and patterns that are holding us back and build upon the things that work.

I believe this to be the case with the Earth, with the global economy, and with each of us individually.

Ever since the human lockdown in mid March, the Earth has felt substantial relief. With an enormous decrease in the use of fossil fuels, the carbon footprint has been drastically reduced and as a result we have seen less pollution and a re-emergence of wildlife.

Many believe that we are being offered a unique opportunity to use the reduced levels of CO2 output as a starting point and find ways to maintain this lower level in the coming years. However, many also fear that as we re-emerge into the world, it will be easy to fall back into our old habits without earnest intent and strict discipline.

The good news is that we have been given another chance. What remains to be seen is how we choose to move forward.

Economically speaking, there is an overwhelming need to re-evaluate as well. With many businesses being forced to shut down (albeit temporarily), consumers have explored alternative ways to satisfy their needs.

We have cooked more of our meals or done takeout and curbside pickup. We have turned towards alternative forms of exercise such as walking, biking and online workout classes. We are seeing the benefits of internet shopping as we enjoy the safety and convenience of having food and products delivered right to our doorsteps, and as additional people work effectively from home, we question the need for elaborate office space in expensive locations (or any office space for that matter).

Many of these new practices will permanently replace the old ways of doing business. We may see fewer restaurants, gyms, office buildings, and storefronts. We’ll see a difference in the way food is distributed and how we work. In an attempt to survive financially, we’ll rid ourselves of the practices that no longer work in favor of those that do.

On a personal level, I have been consumed with a similar thought process. My life and habits have changed drastically over the last few months and I’m realizing some of the new ways may be working better. I have found that coloring my hair once a month is easy, looks almost as good, and is much more time and cost effective. I have found that I can cook a meal just as well if not better than most restaurants at a fraction of the cost and that the scope and variety of workout options online may be all I need. I have realized that I don’t have to travel long distances to find adventure and outdoor activity, and I have seen the advantages of being able to work virtually.

The overall trend is towards scaling back, becoming more efficient, spending less, choosing quality over quantity, having a decreased impact on the environment, reducing meat intake, and adopting a healthier lifestyle (which values less as more). In other words, shedding what I don’t really need and building on the rest.

As the world begins to re-open and we evaluate our new and old habits, I urge everyone to give careful consideration to what is working and what is not, for the earth, for our economy and for ourselves. I hold hope that we will let go of the habits and practices that are harmful and decide wisely what to keep.

A Night Without TV

No TV Blog

I have never been a big TV watcher. For as far back as I can remember, I could only take so much. I would have periods of binging or try out the most popular show, but the distraction never lasted long because ultimately, it didn’t make me feel good.

Since the pandemic quarantine, however, things have changed.

We have been watching TV nearly every night. With the scope, variety, and quality of shows offered by Netflix, Amazon, Hulu and HBO at our fingertips, there is never a shortage of options. That, coupled with the need to escape from the world right now, makes the temptation hard to resist. The increase of stress, uncertainty, change, and loss in our current lives leaves us seeking relief, and with those distractions involving socialization unavailable, what’s left?

For most of us, the ritual of evening TV watching does the trick. It pulls us away from our thoughts about work, family, finances, the future, and sucks us into a world of make believe. It entertains us. It numbs us.

In the long run, however, it may be making things worse.

According to the National Sleep Foundation, watching TV before bed can have a negative effect on the quality of your sleep. Not only do you tend to stay up later to find out what happens next but the increase in programming with high levels of violence, gore, or suspense “may leave you feeling anxious and contribute to tossing and turning.” On top of that, an even bigger problem is the light emitted from the screen which disrupts your body’s natural clock and inhibits its production of melatonin, throwing off your REM sleep and resulting in morning drowsiness.

Full Article: https://www.sleep.org/articles/is-it-bad-to-watch-tv-right-before-bed/

Binge watching (even during the day) can cause problems as well. According to Jenna Birch in an article in the Washington Post, How Binge Watching is Hazardous to Your Health (June 3, 2019), “binge-watching can affect your cardiovascular system, your vision, your socialization and your sleep patterns which can lead to other problems.”

Full Article: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/wellness/how-binge-watching-is-hazardous-to-your-health/2019/05/31/03b0d70a-8220-11e9-bce7-40b4105f7ca0_story.html

Last night, we decided to take a break.

Instead of planning our night around a new Netflix show, we spent some time chatting while cooking a special dinner. We played our guitars, went for a walk, and got into bed early with a good book. My eyes were closed before 10 and I had the best sleep I’ve had in days.

We are not planning to cut out TV altogether, but we do see the benefits of cutting back. With the high levels of gore, violence, and suspense in the real world right now, we don’t see a need to add more. Our vow is to look for activities that are calming, healing, and relationship building.

It’s an idea worth considering.

Photo from NBC News https://www.nbcnews.com/better/lifestyle/back-basics-how-instituting-nightly-reading-ritual-has-become-my-ncna1071391

Using Color to Meditate and Heal

Screen Shot 2020-05-12 at 12.09.50 PM

I am almost one week into my daily meditation experiment and it is going well. At some point during the day (usually the morning), I set my timer, settle into a seated position with feet flat on the floor, and then drop into the moment as best I can. I usually begin by taking three deep breaths.

It is amazing how once we shift our focus to our breath, we come into the moment almost immediately. The trick is to stay there for the duration.

As I mentioned in an earlier blog, there are many ways to approach meditation. We can use music, color, mantras, visualization, object focus, crystals, and essential oils to keep our focus and clear our heads. The idea is to train our minds to stay on one thing like a phrase, a scent, a sound, or a visual and keep the river of thoughts at bay. The better we get at quieting the mind, the easier it becomes to reduce stress, increase concentration, and open up to more truths and creative ideas.

Each time I have settled into my practice over the last week, my mind has migrated to the use of color. I remember a meditation practice I was implementing years ago in which I would visualize white light energy coming from above. I would pull the white light into my body through the top of my head, down through my face, neck, chest, down my arms and through my fingers, then through the stomach, abdomen, pelvis and out through the legs and toes. I would allow the light to spill out of my body and form a protective layer around myself.

I would then ground my feet into the earth and pull up energy from as far down as I could imagine. Once the heaven and earth energy were flowing simultaneously, I would begin to bring in the colors. Red first, then orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet. The colors would come from deep within the earth, up through my feet and into all parts of my body. I would allow each color to take its time, stopping wherever there seemed to be a need. I would then allow the energy to settle in the appropriate location where it would rest, spinning in a healthy spiral.

I have been using this technique in my daily meditation as it is very effective in allowing me to clear and balance my energy while keeping my mind away from incessant thinking.

According to Jan Purser in her book, Meditation, Easy Techniques to Help You Relax and Focus,” each color has specific qualities which can affect our emotions and in turn help to balance our physical and mental health. For example, red is the color of power and action. It is a warming color and represents vitality, sexuality, and high energy. Red spurs us into action by increasing our motivation and aggression.” Blue, by contrast is “calming and encourages feelings of peace. It is the color of serenity and protection and promotes restful sleep.” Yellow brings happy joyful thoughts and magenta is “excellent for helping you step away from obsessive behavior.”

While meditating, we can allow colors that come to mind to swirl through the body in a way that is guided by our inner intuition. The idea is that these colors will bring the necessary qualities for balance and healing.

Once we become more familiar with color energy, we can introduce them as we see fit. For example, if we are hoping to gain more insight and intuition, we can bring violet into the session.

Another beautiful way to use color for meditation and healing is through art. In recent years, I have noticed coloring books for adults, which claim to reduce stress and promote mindfulness. More recently, I have thought of painting. As I struggle through some of the mental and emotional challenges of the recent pandemic, I have been sensing the need to bring more color into my life.

Today, I ordered some acrylic painting supplies and checked out a few YouTube tutorials and I have to say, I’m excited. In addition to my daily meditation, I feel that mixing colors and putting them on a canvas will not necessarily result in a masterpiece, but it may just help me stay balanced, happy and healthy.

Photo from Nambu Botanicals. Link to article with color and sound meditations: https://nambuherbs.com/blogs/news/heal-your-chakras-to-change-your-karma-color-sound-meditations

Staying Balanced at Home

I am a massage therapist and healer by trade, and since Covid-19 arrived, I have been unable to see clients in person, to soothe their muscles on the massage table, to work out the knots that prevent them from moving, to reduce their anxiety and stress.

I imagine that most are seeking opportunities to heal on their own through walks in nature, getting more sleep, cooking healthy meals, reaching out to loved ones, exercising regularly, and spending more time engaged in relaxing activities. I appreciate all that people are doing to keep the focus on the positive, to embrace the healing that is coming from all of this.

I am advocating that we take it one step further by implementing therapeutic services at home. Of course, it’s not quite the same as going to a hands-on studio, but it is surprising how much can be done on your own (or with a partner) from the comfort of your own home.

For those who are interested, I did some research and found a few Youtube links to get you started.

Self Massage with a Foam Roller

This video offers a full body routine and covers most of the main muscle groups. It will leave you feeling like you just got a professional full body massage (well, almost). There is also a link to purchase a foam roller if you are interested and don’t already have one. I would highly recommend this technique as it is also a perfect complement to regular professional massage and can be continued once you return to your regular therapist.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hu-rVZVSzxs

Self Massage with a Tennis Ball

If you don’t have a foam roller or want to get to more specific areas of the muscles, tennis balls are a wonderful option. This video will give you some basic ideas.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yY-7CXAHxfY

Couples Massage for Beginners

This is a gentle and easy-to-follow guide for couples. If you are lucky enough to be quarantined with someone you like (at least a little :-), give this a try. I guarantee it will be a practice you carry forward even after the pandemic has passed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aliKjIcDMQ0

And if you don’t have a massage table and want an idea for creating one on the floor, you might like this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKSsAs_GMpM

Once you’ve loosened your muscles and slipped into a relaxed state, you may want to continue the treatment by giving yourself a facial, taking a warm bath, lighting some candles, diffusing essential oils, and hydrating your skin with a cream of your choice. There are plenty of products out there to get you going. I have decided to clean out my drawers and use up all the creams and serums I’ve collected over the years (including samples). It’s been a fun way to try new products while clearing space.

There are many ways to set up a home healing space and I hope you delve into it with a creative and playful approach.

Feel free to contact me at wsaydah@gmail.com with any questions related to the at home techniques. I am sending you all continued love and light during this difficult time and reminding everyone that the more love and care you put into yourself and those around you, the less room there will be for anything harmful to get in.