sexual identity

The times are changing, which is nothing new, but somehow this time it seems more extreme and quicker than I ever remember. Perhaps the world is spinning faster or maybe the developments seem greater because we have been in a Covid hibernation for over a year and are just beginning to come back out into the world. And even though we have isolated ourselves, life continues to march forward.

One place I have noticed an enormous degree of change is in the area of human sexuality. More people are identifying with a variety of growing orientations and the list of LGBTQ+ identities continues to expand. The options seem limitless and I wonder when the analog labeling will become digital, when we’ll all have the freedom to be whatever our unique and natural sexuality calls for.

I believe we each have varying degrees of masculine and feminine. We are not one or the other. We are a fluid and individual combination of the two, much like the Yin/Yang philosophy.

Yin and Yang energies are polar opposites like hot/cold, sun/moon, happy/sad, morning/night, masculine/feminine. Yet they never exist alone. There is always at least a small portion of the opposite within the whole. The day becomes the night. The night becomes the day. It is a constant ebb and flow and its transitions cannot be harnessed into a finite category or letter of the alphabet.

I have been reading a fantastic book by Glennon Doyle called, Untamed. In it, she talks about the fears that have caused society to attempt containing the uncontainable. Fears, like discomfort and lack of control, which have put “faith into a cage called religion and wild sexuality into defined sexual identities.” Doyle compares these powerful and natural forces to the sea and our attempt to control them like putting the sea water in a glass. “Faith is water. Religion is a glass. Sexuality is water. Sexual identity is a glass.” Doyle believes we are all part of the magnificent sea, and I agree. 100%. Isn’t it time to return to the source, where we can each be part of the whole in varying beautiful degrees?

I identify as a straight woman and love my boyfriend completely. He fulfills me and makes me whole. Yet, I still enjoy mountain biking with a group of guys, drinking whiskey, competing aggressively, playing electric lead guitar, taking risks and assuming leadership roles. I have had many male friends over the years and have had fun being “one of the guys.” I am also caring, nurturing, love to cook and be led, enjoy a supportive role, and like to wear dresses and makeup.

I would hate to give up on any of these pleasures in order to fit into an acceptable category or glass. I would much rather be the sea. Free and whole and untamed.

Doyle says it beautifully in this except, “I wonder if instead of adding more glasses, we should stop trying to contain people within them. Perhaps, eventually, we’ll rid ourselves of the glass system altogether. Faith, sexuality, and gender are fluid. No glasses—all sea.” She asks us to consider letting go of the need to find common ground and instead to accept people for who they are.

I hope this happens. I really do because when it does, we will all be part of one glorious system, unafraid of ourselves and refusing to be afraid of others.